Tommy Cycleseed - The Modern Hippie's Guide to Early Retirement and Car-lessness

Total BS from slack-jawed yokels

2010-08-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Really sick of the ways this lazy ignorance pierces my eardrums, twists the knife, and makes everywhere i go the Jerry Springer Show. An overuse-tax would balance the national debt (sauf pour petite amie faux pas)
Merci Ed, pour les rappels de la jeunesse:

2.0
24/7
110%
absolutely
actually
agree to disagree
all that
amazing
and i'm like, whatever
and stuff
anyhoo
anyways
are you serious?
as of yet
as we speak
at the end of the day
awesome
back in the day
backstory
bad boy
ball's in your court
bam
basically
bring it
bring to the table
butt naked
carve out
chief
chill out
chillax
clearly
closure
cowboy
cuemmunity
exactly
eeyew
epic
extreme
don't go there
drownded
dude
eclectic
embattled
embolden
-esque
facilitate
feel
freakin
from the get go
fukkin (more than 3 per sentence)
full stop
f-bomb
game changer
gynormous
good to go
gotchyer back
haters
hella
hiiieeeeeee, how'ryooooooooooooou!
horrific
i could care less
if you will
i'm all over that
i'm just sayin
i'm on it
i'm so there
i'm sorry but
infrastructure
in harm's way
inappropriate
inspired
irregardless
it is what it is
it's all good
it's not rocket science
knowhutimsayin?
like
literally
lyrical
ma'am
ma brutha
man up
meltdown
my bad
no offense, but
not so much
old school
on the same page
orientate
outside of the box
palpable
pantina
perfect storm
period
profound
project manager
prolly
random
refudiate
reinvent
rock (anything)
same difference
savvy
seamless
seriously?
should of
shout-out
sir
so
sweetie
thanks so much
that said
that being said
there are no stupid questions
to be honest with you
to die for
touch base
transparent
tweet
umm
unbeknownst to you(me)
viral
volumptious
whack
whatnot
what's up
where you at?
whilst
with all due respect
wtf
ya know
you do the math
you guys
you have a good day now
(double-fine for uptalking)
(triple-fine for blowhard managespeak)
(prison for clapping one's hands 4 times while poser-laughing)
(death sentence for bagpipes)

Community

2008-05-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

Someone made a lot of money out of the phrase "Think globally, act locally". I sure learned the truth of acting as locally as possible, my Number One. In effect, she's one through ten, but that's off track. So i take my first considerations with her since the gratification is most immediate and tangible, or tangleable. What better consciousness raising to community needs exists? We can conveniently throw itemized deductions at the cause that has the best website or appeals to our sense of affluence, but the money's generally lost in administrative and materials costs. We are proud when we find the spotless charity but there's still the disconnect of the face to face and the assurance it's focused to whom you want to bring joy and comfort. Then there's the whole motivation factor which when uncovered, can be as depressing as the insanity of convincing local adolescents to kill overseas adolescents for a board of directors' decision.

So, we begin with one, at least i do, since i found someone who can see over the fence, over the past rationalizations and recoveries that delivered us to each other, recognizing the unique now and forever of our togetherness. Her brother tries not to roll his eyes at our sugared-up looks and excessive endearments, but i know he gets this connection's depth and wants it too, even though he'll carry it off in far smarter style.

Back to the egg, the farm prospers with full attention to detail, and the needs are obvious to the alert. Many relationships begin with where we've been, what didn't work, and the hopeful chance of what we've needed all along. We reconsider honesty to oneself before settling for a partial list checked off, before surrender and attempting to miss potholes in the road. I'm the luckiest person to have walked this earth long enough to be found in the human mirror of what i know is true. All truth of her is held up for me to see and hear, what show-and-tell should have meant in elementary school. We took eggshell steps of uncertainty and risk, both cautious of overstaying our welcome of timeshare and breathing space. Like the truck farmer, one's eyes and ears must be open to more than the bees in the bonnet. All the local traffic in our heads, the swirling mass of helplessness and injustice and disappointment are the decoys and distractions to helping in compassionate ways. At the top of the toolbox is understanding, listening to the needs of where you wish to begin to help. She and i waited an overdue amount of time, sorting through the forensics of our own battle wounds of previous wars. It wasn't until a day ago that i finally wore out my headspace gremlins of insecurity, the little bastards that make sense of nothing and sell fear of loss. I truly feel relieved of those unfounded stressors and can finally relax and enjoy this deep-fried cosmic communion. So, from now on she gets all the breathing room she wishes as well as her own relaxed and happy confidence in me and mine in her. My mantra now is "she needs this" and as she becomes more and more comfortable in letting me know, i most willingly follow that true path. Anytime and anything she wishes, upward and outward, so long as it doesn't hurt, anything i can offer that attracts her smile. Believe me, that's heaven on earth.

So take the few steps further to family, to friends, to the streets. All will connect like Ice-nine. Patience, care and understanding are necessary ingredients. Love and peace follow like the puppy's tail. The little bit i learned sure makes me feel better than i've ever imagined. Don't wait for the gremlins to sleep and try not to forget the way here. Get on with living it up.

Search and Rescue

2008-05-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

Curious that the rookie ascetic's baby steps are less a slash and burn unload than an anguished analysis of what's dear after clearing the dead wood of nest padding. Case in point is my sweet patootie's clothes dryer punking out not long ago. The born rescuer sights the problem in my crosshairs and is poised to diagnose. I have her full permission to resuscitate what's as good as dead anyway, so i make the incision with a spatula and expose the innards. No heat in the coil but enough current to make me duck and cover, motor smooth, no burnt evidence. First assessment is the heating coil gone, but there are no gaps in the wire. Could be a fuse too, but who knows without a multitester handy. I get online and see that a new coil (these things do get brittle with age) is $50 and since the labor will be free, offer to undercut the home repair guys, figuring their initial visit will be around $150 minus parts and I'd come out smelling good and feeling righteous against da Man. Encouraged by her adoring eyes, the hero sets off the next morning to the Sears warehouse, since it's a Kenmore. She loved it when it worked, when it sensed moisture and protected her clothes from excessive fire and rain. She just didn't know when she bought the gizmotic thing, she didn't experience the years of being held parts and repair hostage by anything Sears. It's a family tradition passed down to me that Craftsman blades cost more than the saw and parts were only available in an industrial warehouse on the wrong side of the tracks. They've kept the business model but somehow my instincts and training failed me and i went along with the salesguy's advice that the heating circuit contained more suspects than just the coil. In the bulkhead area also resides a thermal fuse, a thermal cutoff, and a thermistor. I take my chances with a heater coil and the thermal fuse/high-limit thermostat, about $100 of parts. Reasoning these things wear out and this combination will likely cover the failing part, i ride back to storm the castle with new ammunition. No happy red glow from the coil, a patient and semi-adoring smile from the maiden in distress. Next battle? The fabulous internet for deep forum research. There was still the thermistor in the repair chain, another $25 and another trip to the nowherehouse. Back to the ranch and still no-go. Back to the forums and a hidden clue about the heater relay in the console along with horror stories of on-site repair charges and burnt out controller boards (>$100).

Here's where love conquers all. Rather than letting me nearly surrender to the factory repair goons, honest or devious as they may be, she suggested i press on and pursue the heater relay clue. I've done enough repair in my life to know the cut point, the place where i defer to the expert, but it's a moment of full reluctance and twinges of failure. But she was totally behind me on this and her intentions were adventurous and practical.

The short of this is there are two identical (FSA China like all other Whirlpool aftermarket parts throughout) relays in the top console where the controls are, one controls the heater, the other the motor. You get the part number from the parts list and Google it, looking for sellers (not Sears). The price hovers around $30 but i found a guy on Ebay selling them new for $6. He only sells these switches and pants but he shipped it right out to me and after locating the right circuit (not the intuitive one from the exploded view), the coiled glowed bright red as i yelled bingo! The happiest maiden comes skipping toward me and throws her arms around my neck and i look into the deep blue of her shining eyes to realize she knew better than i that it was a matter of access, resource and effort. She realized the learning experience versus trading job time for money to pay people extortion rates to fix an over-complicated machine that mimics the sun and wind. Yes, there is the clothes line that gets used more often, but this was a challenge of humanity over inhumanity and the surcharge machine nearly won all the spoils of war. But i'll never forget that happy, little-girl homecoming hug of hers and the delicious sweetness of her faith in my mission. As JP McCartney wrote in 1975 about 1985, " I just can't get enough of that sweet stuff my little lady gets behind", or maybe it was "gets me high". Doesn't matter when it's all so wonderful.

One year now

2008-05-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

As promised to myself, it's been a year off from the sturm und drang of the corporate jailtime. The anniversary was recognized and a moment of silent respect was honored, but the reminder of what was, all the horrible tension of the recurring nightmare regained its last gasp of terror at a Costco checkout. The harried but stoic clerk was pacing herself ahead of the oncoming conveyor overloads that should have been left on the warehouse carts. She had an added step to remember for each transaction, a monotone assigned appeal for donations to a local hospital famous for saturating the local airwaves as the childrens' savior. Of course this is the same gestapo that laid me off my favorite year and my natural reaction was to say "ya gotta be kidding". Sudden eye contact lessened the venom spew, but it got her a moment away from the robot response to "I already gave". Before i could offer sympathy for her position of indirect pimping for the heartless thieves (not Costco), she said it wasn't the first time that day she heard an unkind response. I got out a couple more 'never again's before wishing her a good day, and then felt a strangely benevolent compassion, as if i've been elevated from the ordinary world, free at last to wallow in my own crapulence. I'm liberated from reserving judgment, from holding back the bile of the captive everyday execution of BS.

It's been a good time off, and there is no apprehension in sight. Things are as open and afloat as this time a year younger, in fact better than ever. I met the dreamgirl of my life because i was free to walk in the slow lane of my favorite path. That wouldn't have happened if things were as they were two years earlier. She wasn't as far along the way nor was I. None of what's grown would have been cultivated as consciously nor would it's precious nature been recognized. Solutions come more naturally with accumulated experience and the more time exposed to the day makes it less a shock and dilemma that demands attention in what we can recover around the giant dent of the 8 to 5 workday. Time to sort out the unexpected is far less panic with accessibility and the cushion of more reaction time. Thoughts are more fully formed rather than compressed to fit the gaps. The misfit nature of unemployment is no longer a whittling project of conformity to the gray swirling masses with printed credentials. The square peg naturally fits the corresponding hole. I just love it.
Feels like home wherever i go..

NoMoneyFun

2008-05-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

You were in the rut of work and spend. Now your head is above water. Breathe deep the treasure around you. Your surroundings belong to you. You have a free pass practically anywhere. You are personally free of the individual property taxes and maintenance of all this beauty. Explore neighborhoods in the best parts of town, the forests, the coastal highways, all the places you've already indirectly paid for in sales taxes. One no longer feels as an outsider in financially prohibitive areas.

This brings up an important point, Trust. The modern hippie has adapted and evolved toward comfort rather than pricetag fashion statement. In the back forty of our lives, cleanliness is not an option as philosophical statement. No matter the disdain for the mechanics and hypocrisy of society's norms, clean is the necessity for admission without question. An eccentric look is fine, many have come to believe, especially in the retail world, that one must assume they're talking to a sale, and not look too far down one's nose at the absurd. Dress code in most pricey restaurants is now so relaxed that one can assume whomever has the ease of entry and the air of home away from home is welcome. The truth of business is that they need you more than you need them. Being free to be on the customer side of the formula is no excuse for rudeness or contempt. Remember where you came from not so long ago. Never piss in your own pool. All the world belongs to you and you to it.

Free and almost free places to go are priceless in the best sense. The wi-fi coffee shop, the bakery, the library, the bookstore, are all places of etiquette and resource.

Wi-fi freebies:
Shoutcast
YouTube (dig deeper and do a thoughtful search for your interests)

Friends!! Chances are most of your friends are still working to pay the no principle mortgage and kids' student loans and wedding bills. Try not to rub their noses in it. They know they're waist-deep so lay off the excess grinning. Be a beneficial influence and use your superpowers for good. They'll find you and the times together will be better than ever. Friendship is the spiritual penultimate of all relationships, less expectation, less disappointment than marriage's white lie to God and the Universe. Nurture and nourish this garden. There is definitely love in it, as much as you wish to harvest.

Support local business:
These are the guys that welcome the discriminating nonconformist.

Touring:
This for me is the ultimate in travel, especially on two wheels. The ground covered at ten miles per hour is the perfect rate of cognition, attention, and pace. Sit up in the saddle and watch the cinema unfold just for you.

Ongoing education:
Adult school is the deal of the century. Learning keeps one young and in touch and poised for growth. Start here on the net, with the greatest world community forum, and then take it to the streets. Face to face is the path of humanity, so make sure never to miss a day with conversation.

Open your eyes and your heart to all you can. You only have so many days left on this earth, and chances are you've already spent half of them. Wake up!

Commitment and Caring

2008-05-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

Now that you're older and more distant of the rat race, you have the authority to speak your mind... no pissant company tool to report your aberrant behavior on your chart, no one but the law to question your beliefs.

You can now afford to support your cause, in a far more direct way than to write a check. You are a physical entity rather than an account number. See and be seen, hear and be heard. Stand and remain standing. Pressure from people like you ended the war in Vietnam. The war then didn't run out of money. Dissent and disagreement on a world scale ended occupation there. Now it's a major tourist destination. Make the entire world an unlimited tourist destination. Explore culture and ethnic specialty. Travel is exposure and education. Understand why things remain in conflict and do what it takes to chip away at the mountains of inhumanity. Enjoy and exercise the freedoms left in this world. They are an endangered species now but will always resurface as the trickle-down of any administration just the way a reinstated draft will certainly get the complacent up in arms about the current war. When it's our kid in the line of fire, we get concerned. Speak up and be unafraid to listen and learn.

Happiness and Flow

2008-05-01T11:07:00.001-07:00

What is it that makes those old Italians so content to work in the olive orchards all their lives. Is it the mysterious fulfillment of all things zen and cosmic? Is it the security of encompassing knowledge and the full appreciation of every working detail of their lives? Or is it the simplicity of the basics covered; family, identity, and the cycle of life before their eyes. Understanding delivers peace, the philosophers generally agree. Being able to relate to the next guy is harmonious, so why is it we limit by nationality, borders, and attitude? Territory, space to propagate, i suppose.. ownership and exclusivity, most likely. We want our individual space and the accompanying certificates of authenticity.

When we become comfortable with owning less, the aggression diminishes, the rage of one dog eating another becomes ludicrous, and the peaceful life becomes more idealized and precious. We are progressively owned less by the maintenance and protection of our depreciating symbols of wealth. Room to move is created by less clutter and we manage to create real estate by subtracting the storage space.

This brings a tangible design of what comes and goes, a more honest assessment of what allows comfort and method and what can be let go as useless and anchored obligation. Happiness is realized as contentment of the continuous now, the flow of the cooperative and helpful. Swimming upstream to spawn sacrifices life to society, trusting the current provides a most beautiful cruise of life's pleasures along your way.

The last and most essential ingredient is Love. Trust the current on this as well. It will wash you to the most splendid shores of understanding and certainty. Timing is everything and being true to oneself will connect the wandering soul to its perfect reflection. Be prepared to soar higher than you ever imagined.

Exultation

2008-04-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my adorable One undauntedly took the leap off the highest cliff in the hemisphere, selling off her Toyonda and declaring her full independence from oil wars and car doors. This lovely being keeps my heart for all time but this is my proudest fatherly moment, to see her follow through with her plan of modest needs and self-directed exposure to all things wonderful. I'm only partial influence because this was a step in her grand dream before we met, and probably why we met in time, but she trusted my exuberant experiences of car-lessness and personally tried them out in full cheer and faith. To see her grinning face in the headwind confirms to me that the bicycle must be the most cosmically significant invention. It's the quickest and most beautifully precise of all humanity-fueled kinesis and to watch her gliding on her vintage Steyr, bread baskets fore and aft, is the most achingly sweet sight of my life. This is the same lovely that was as locked down in the corporate sentence as i was, numbing the weekdays by padding the credit, solitary in an enormous post-marriage condo-nest, and wrapped in costly couture coordinating with the graphite ultralight . Now she stables an eager steed for every purpose, shopping, touring, sprinting, and strolling her way crosstown in exquisitely charming style. It all goes together and comes together in the most delightfully creative ways with her. You'll see.....

Friends

2008-04-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Don't be afraid to confide your enthusiasm and fears with your friends.

Be confident in your assertions. Your friends' reactions may initially not be what you wish to hear, but know they do want you to succeed in your convictions. Most often they are still locked into the fear and loathing of corporate society so any positive feedback will be an encouragement. The look on their face will likely be one of bewildered admiration that you are embarking on everyone's sublimated fantasy.

Family is just as unlikely to be encouraging. Remember that they don't want you to make the same life mistakes they've experienced, either first-hand or from some soap opera or b.s.-reality show, the distant-future benchmark of the dark ages and downfall of broadcast media.

To speak your convictions, what has come to make perfect sense to you, will reinforce and confirm your circumstance. Nothing is set in stone, especially in your apprenticeship in adaptable life. Things change with the wind and you will bend like the tree, still firmly rooted.

Avocation

2008-04-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

Can you recall your younger days? Less money, more time. We couldn't afford that esoteric guitar or bicycle but we found the way to an acceptable substitute. You bought a Schwinn Varsity instead of a Campagnolo-gruppo Unobtainium racycle. Time and money morphed these acquisitions into whatever the magazines are selling and we succumb to upgrade-itis. With musical instruments, they called it Gear Acqusition Syndrome (G.A.S.) and include the addict's excuse of being able to quit anytime. Easier said than done until the money supply is cut off.

The loss of steady income is a perfectly welcome opportunity to reintroduce our youthful ideals of minimalism, green consciousness, and economic freedom from the man. The unconscious state of making money to spend money is awakened and we're suddenly fastidious accountants and stewards of the here and now. The daily mocha and breakfast burrito at the company store which was the affluent personal treat for showing up in the same building every day turns into a regretful waste of savings for a rainy day. It was a matter of survival of a different sort back then, so bygones, right?

Now the time has arrived for unconventional thinking of the ideal kind. Do we choose to despair over the bleak economic indicators and threadbare classifieds? They can be little more than depressing, especially as listings for your field are gobbled up by graduates going to work for peanuts to pay the student loan sharks. Channel those daydreams in the soft time at work. Recall the moments you fantasized about doing what you really enjoy, what you know how to do, what you do in your leisure time, what you read about. Ask yourself if this is possible to pursue. Take the money factor out of the equation for now. Try to forget the mortgage and pressing bills for just a moment. Ask yourself if it's at all possible to make even twenty dollars a day doing this. Be unrealistic. Is there somewhere you can volunteer for a month to bring you up to speed as a go-to person someone will seek out. I'm not talking about something you haven't a clue, a total fantasy with no practical experience. I'm suggesting a passion you already have, that you never imagined anyone would pay you to do, that has held your interest for years. Mine's bikes and guitars, the adolescent's mainstays. I never grew out of either one, continually justifying each as an organic miracle of technology and craftsmanship. They are my sure thing, my friends and children, my conversation guarantees. No matter the walk of life, the financial discrepancy, the social distinction, the wind always delivers the scent. Someone invariably will approach and meet on this common ground. If it's not them, it's me. The guy's wife will roll her eyes and say it's always about the bike to whomever i'm with. The conversation runs rampant through the opened window and we both know there will be backpressure if left running too long. The greatest luxury is having all the time in the world and circumstance to let it run its course and full length. That's rare because of our heightened consciousness of the tape measure of remaining days, but it should be attempted. Your head will hit the pillow that night with a contented sigh. These are good days.

Analysis of Things Past

2008-04-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Bob Slydell: I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.

- Office Space, 1999

So where were you all that time? What can you account for this lost time of your life? Is it measurable?? A week after my release, a friend in conversation offered a perversion of a college career visual that startled me to the core. He took a tape measure from the kitchen drawer and pulled out my age in inches. He asked me to estimate an arbitrary age when the quality of life is recognized as heading downhill. I thoughtlessly chose 80 just to be compliant since i was used to his joke style. "Okay", he says as i balance the long reach of the tape on the table and adjust my 55 inch/year mark under my eyes. My past life, gone for good, was practically out the window, and in my immediate field of vision were the inches i have left, if i live that long.

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'

-Uncle Bob D.

The Portable Life

2008-04-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

I felt the cold wind under me for years but endured the pop-tests of being hauled in to HR with every regime change. My immediate supervisor always had some issue with my behavior and would hatch a new plan of attack with each new reassignment of HR representative. Why was it that everyone in that company was happy with me but the manager? Was it a personality clash or just my attitude? Obviously to me, it was all about control, the hallmark of middle management. I truly and admittedly wasn't much of an ass-kisser, in fact, i often took opportunity to express my feelings which didn't always worship of the bottom line. I enjoyed a wonderful working relationship with one hundred percent of my clients, practically inventing the job at the beginnings of digital presentation. I was the go-to guy for every formatting headache relief. Now, who knows where they go for help, although few have called me at home in a panic. I liked the work, but it was a long job sentence after all, full of little murders, and a time of bittersweet memory. I didn't rule out freelancing and still help out old friends.

Back to the past, in this job of putting out the fires of panic, five minutes before showtime, there was quite a bit of soft time, with internet access and time to take ergonomic breaks. That time was ripe for daydreaming and possibilities. More than a year before the axe, my mind was filled with days of heaven, open-ended thoughts and schemes of bicycle touring, of blood transfusion in the band, of life's inevitabilities. The writing was on the wall and i was waiting out the coming storm, but in an almost natural selection perspective. I made an unconscious decision to gather acorns, research and buy all things for a year off, while i had income, while i was in spending mode. It was a joyous spree, collecting objects and tools of long-distance cycle touring, figuring and rehearsing what would suit a comfortable time off for adventure. The ultralight tent and cookstuff, the building of a dedicated expedition bike, the first-hand advice of seasoned trekkers was exciting to the core. Maybe that's what's kept my mental momentum rolling, that enthusiasm for what i really plan to enjoy, every detail reconsidered every day, to prolong and enhance the interest and conviction. It took a long time but the G.A.S. has leveled and there is now a true appreciation for the reliable and cool tools, the things that work and that return great pleasure in their use.

These are the tools of adventure away from the nest, what you can take with you, ever more efficient and economic. If you're a homebody and can leave your nagging mind, then organize to where you don't spend all day looking for misplaced tools of enjoyment. But, if you're outward bound, take inventory before each outing so you can stay as long as you like in the undiscovered country.

Truly consider crazyguyonabike.com for limitless inspiration and valuable insights of personal interaction as well as the psychology of the solo pedalist. Hundreds of people are out there exploring on foot or on two wheels at any given moment in every country. The gear lists are fascinating, the bare minimum people estimate and revise since weight and bulk is a major issue when touring. Tour your own town with your custom gear list.

Connection

2008-04-22T23:01:00.000-07:00

So how does one reconnect with the world, renew a sense of belonging in the most positive and nurturing sense?

Consider touring your own town. Find the independent coffee shop or tea room, especially one with free wi-fi. You'll find people there relaxing, working on far more interesting projects than company assignments, and in lively conversation. It can be a central station for forward-thinking day people. Stay connected in the symbolic sense as well as the physical. Conversation will come to you if you don't initiate it first with your recharged sense of curiosity and comfortable fearlessness.

There will be an astonishingly large population of day people busy into their own developed passions, coming up for air and retuning their strings. You'll do the same in short order, after a reasonable time of detached and amused observation. Treat this as a prelude, a small and necessary step toward connection with the music of the universe.

Learn to carry your essentials with you, so you don't have to return home for any small excuse. Home is not your reward for venturing out. The reward is wherever you are and wherever you're going. For a gadget freak as myself, this is the ideal reinforcement for my wish come true.

They say be careful what you wish for, since the power of that thought will influence its outcome. i got lucky, eventually, after feeling years of containment and persecution. The day came, as destined, and i knew everything i had bought and hand-picked from online catalogs was going to be put to immediate use.

Let me back up here and give you the short of this chronology. As is easily surmised, my job was of personal service to physicians and medical staff, assisting with their publishing and presentation needs. Essentially, I helped them look good in front others by reformatting their content, and smoothing the delivery. It was a niche job that didn't pay very much, being a sub-department of one. This kept me under the spreadsheet radar for years, although the collective paranoia was refueled with every wave of restructuring and downsizing. Whole departments fell to the axe and yet I was untouched, presumably by someone at the occasional breakfast meeting that spoke up for my service. It didn't take more than a couple years of doctors' heads posted at the village gate to realize no one was exempt or unnoticed by the red flags of database.

Awards and Recognition

2008-04-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

America loves awards and recognition, the key to fame. Remember the Wizard of Oz giving the scarecrow a diploma? The official (to whom?) piece of paper, the dimestore medal for courage, the baroque-font university degree, all validate the effort and experience of hard work, yet anyone with a printer and convincingly manufactured testimony can form a foundation out of thin air. The lifestyle one adopts in the rejection of social programming is the living proof, the national treasure of unconventional thought, the seeds of contentment to be out of the rat study. The superior mouse climbs the perimeter wall rather than repetitiously seeking the food or addictive substance planted in the maze. The badge of honor you wear is the success of happiness, the personal identity in an infectious smile, the enthusiasm of the day ahead.

The greatest reward is staying out, away from retreat. Buy yourself a tea, enroll in an adult education course. The minimal money this costs is an investment in your peace of mind and a stimulant to personal growth.

Acceptance

2008-04-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

When your immediate superior and the Human Resources company tool call you up to the quiet room on the second floor, the immediate gut-wrenching, realization is the time has come for the hanging. It usually happens on a Monday or a Friday and they run through a blizzard of well-rehearsed business-speak of severance (if you're lucky) remnants of benefits that will be gone before you know it, and procedures of acceptance.

The bigger corporations may offer a package "deal", an acceptance document that will prove to you this was no surprise to the weasel manager, that it was a long time brewing to cut you off before a raise in your vacation hour accrual. In my case, it was a couple months before my fifteenth year of hire. The others in my wave of dismissal was an older guy just short of eighteen years work, a Hispanic male in his twenties, and a woman a few months short of full retirement, the reward they used to treat with a trip to Hawaii. Rest assured that those Hawaii trips have been monopolized as retreats so deservedly and humbly accepted by upper management every fiscal quarter.

The "acceptance deal" is that they'll give you a week's pay for every year served, penitentiary-style for good behavior. This is unless you sign the document as a revocation, that you have a waiting time, my case was 45 days to ponder litigation for age discrimination. This kicks in as a factor for those dismissed after 45 years old. This is a serious consideration, even if they stacked the demographic deck against you in your group. Again, the game is different for upper management. They're most often offered a relatively nice package that provides a year's health coverage and golf-membership time while pondering how to pay the looming and over-extended bills. Seems these guys always come up smelling like a rose, but the reality may be their ulcers have grown a bit more, less because they are still despised for being career sellouts known for brutal decisions, rather more for how to grovel for starting again at square-one for another heat of olympic ass-kissing. Believe me, they had it much worse than those of us who actually worked.

BikeTart Dream #1

2008-04-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

My life changed forever with the most intriguing and beautiful sidelong glance from the yet introduced BikeTart. I had no idea what effect she would have on me now and forever, but at that moment I knew I was significantly touched to the depths of my soul.

This burst out of my chest and scattered into the breeze to seek root..

Until you found me
i thought i was free
Days gave me friends and plans and jokes
No expectancy
Your smile made me see
Love wasn't to be
Until you found me

Until i found you
Your hopes were thin too
Only light raindrops in this flood of desire
That i cannot subdue
Discontent grew
There was nothing quite true
Until i found you

-bridge-
Now we've reached our destiny
We dared never dream
The highest of mountains
You lift me to view
In my angel eyes' gleam

Until you found me
It was what was to be
Wandering aimless days
Of coffee and tea
Your love made me see
Life wasn't to be
Until you found me

BikeTart Dream #2

2008-04-22T10:55:00.001-07:00

Funny how being in the right spot at the right time is guided. Where is that banshee the rest of the time? Probably waiting all your life for that perfect moment. I know for certain it happened to me when I felt least receptive, but now realizing was delivered in perfect harmony to the possibility. I'll be forever grateful for that enchanted semiquaver in time, and even more delightfully astonished that she could so naturally feel the long now in us. Nothing short of miraculous to me...

I know it's over
Your arms pulled me free
Gone is the hopeless veil
of complacency
i know it's over
my solitude's done
i have my One

The day that you found me
The look that you sent
Blew sparks to my soul, my mind, my heart
i could never invent
i know that it's over
The new world's begun
You are my One

bridge
No need to analyze
We fit hand in glove
So quickly become, we're certain is real
i finally know love

You give me your sweetest smile
Enlighten my day
Delight in your glow, your thought, your touch
In every way
I know that it's over
Waiting is done
You are my One